andrew mcCarthy is my hero.

roe v. salvador

this morning on 'the view' a man and his lawyer attempted to make a case for what is known as 'male abortion rights,' or a father's right to have a fetus aborted, and it reminded me of when i was all about such rights in an intro to women's studies class a couple years ago (back when i was in school, ahhhh). except he wants the right to terminate the pregnancy to avoid '18 years of financial obligation' or some shit, and i was arguing about how helpless a man would be in the situation if he wants to keep the baby and she doesnt. but basically, it all boiled down to one simple fact: sex roles are unequal. im all about gender equality, but fuck, you cant change sex roles (biological differences). and that sucks. i mean, this guy (who was stupid for thinking that he could get his point across on 'the view') seemed like a real bad person, i know, but he exposed a greater truth: women hold so much power! like if she chooses to keep this baby, the man has to pay child support, or she could terminate it (even if he wanted to keep it), or she could have it and abandon it, or give it up for adoption, or teach it how to hunt like a wolf and speak only latin. the point is, women can make a unilateral decision when it comes to birthing a life. and i dont know how to feel about that (but imagine how much greater our world would be if everyone acknowledged that, and instead of punishing them, celebrate women). can you imagine how many deadbeat dads would take advantage of this right if it were to materialize? that sucks. i just think that the guy should have some say in it, especially because women are always talking about fairness and how 'it takes two people' blah blah blah*, i would just like that equality to extend beyond convenience. and if i sound like an asshole, i dont mean to be. i know ultimately, it is a woman's body and guys can be jerks. i just hate to think that i might never be a dad, because women i "knock up" , might change their minds, or just not feel like it. oh man, what am i saying?

well. it all comes down to my belief in equality. and whatever my beliefs are, it is not my final decision (unless it is my fetus, then, it is BOTH of our decisions). like gay marriage, my ideas on abortion are my own. and what i think about the two should not affect, or limit another person's rights. so fuck you republicans.

*"blah blah blah" = "etc."

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i would be perfectly content living in an apartment my whole life, but own a niceass beach house

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at a cuban restaurant with my cuban roommate, only my hunger prevented me from ordering "fidel's forbidden salad". so tempting

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go away, tom cruise. far far away

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"mr. and mrs. smith made me feel all bi and shit"
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my mom sent me a postcard from hawaii, in an envelope

and why you mustn't either

Why I Must Never Stop Writing

Poetry frames my emotions
in the Oz between the abstract and concrete.
It becomes the silent hand
that tells me to be less tragic
and instead
write!
Poetry is what remains when the memory becomes a hazy
parallel reality-
the emotion that remains a sharp blade.
It is what I can show you and say
this is it, this is my story
and have it be enough.
My poems are my undisciplined children
that will live beyond me,
the one word with an always different meaning.
It exists in a dark alley behind my apartment
lit by a single, flickering lamp post.
In bed at night, when the world prepares to recycle,
poetry becomes the lone vestige
to differentiate between the blackholes
that only grow
with time.
Knowing that I must write forces me to find
poetry
in everything,
and writing becomes easier.
The reasons that I must never stop writing
are the same reasons
why I should write poetry in the first place.

PTSD

karaoke, mariokart, shopping with no money, random restaurants, irregular sleep pattern.

the life of a college gradumate. day two.

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"live your life like its a lucid dream" - richard

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i need a job that pays well with no skills required, please.

"you should think about being a screenwriter. i mean you have to join the screenwriters guild, but youre creative and shit" - ed

yes im scared, duh. but it sure is great knowing that i dont have a paper due in half an hour. standing up there at graduation, i realized how many girls (and people in general) there are that i never had a chance to meet.

no, alann, stop it! focus on the philippines- less than a month and youll be at boracay, shopping for toptier counterfeits, getting "massages" from "legal" girls (wait, what?!). yes. yes. yes. itll be like a whole month of "the last quarter of game 6".

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yesterday, in the alley behind my apartment (which we playfully refer to as "bosnia"), i saw a pimp and two hos. like an actual snoopdogg-impersonating-cane-holding-hat-tipped-gold-toothed-pimp and two halfnaked-cracked-out-sad-ass-hos! and the pimp waved to my roommate! wow, my neighborhood gives me character.

Angry Al.

remember your black 89 mitsubishi galant? the time when the power windows didnt work and it was afuckin 105 valleydegrees outside and even hotter inside? you had to keep opening the door at every stop to prevent from passing out: "i swear, all i need is AC and a CD player?"

and

how come in front of 4000 people, reading a speech, youll only be thinking about 4001?

my life right now. i should be starting one of the three papers due tomorrow so i can hang with a fun girl who makes me laugh tomorrow night. but instead...

why is it that when we get what we want, we just want more? and for all the good that is going on in our lives, instead we focus on the shit?

just one of dem days, like monica says. the biannual feeling i get that forges emotional growth. yay.

sometimes, i am just a big fat asshole. i need a fucking filter in my brain and my mouth.

I Am Gay

okay, im not. but as someone who has given off that vibe (partially due to my strange affinity for Mariah Carey, Colin Farrell and Carrie Bradshaw), I would like to ask- so, what if i am? Would you treat me differently? assuming you love me (and if you know me, you probably do), would you deny me the right to see my boyfriend (enrique iglesias) in the hospital, on his deathbed (knock on wood)? would you deny me access to his millions that anna kournikova (bitch!) has a chance at? what if i really loved him and didnt just want his half latin, half filipino hands all over me 24/7 (uncomfortable? this is for you)?

i mean considering that being gay is NOT a choice, and therefore i have "always been gay", would you think differently of me? of the memories we have shared? of the times we have debated who's hotter, angelina jolie or brad pitt (wait, umm)? and for you dumbfucks who think being gay is something someone chooses to be, die. as if someone would actively seek discrimination in school, the workplace, at home. as if someone rejoices in the fact that idiot fuckers snicker and gossip about them to their face and behind their back. imagine living a life where everything someone does to you is clouded by the lingering question of homophobia.

and to all the fuckers at UCLA who are being educated by some of the greatest, most liberal minds in america and still dare to write the school newspaper about how you believe marriage between two people of the same gender is stupid and a direct assault on community, try replacing 'gay' with bigotry and intolerance. and to you religious crazies who are offended by being called homophobic but simultaneously label gays as morally weak and subordinate, go to hell! and while we're at it, Ratzinger- bad call announcing that gays, prochoicers and politicians who support feminist issues as minions of the devil- you're wrong (i want to say something worse, but am still afraid ill be hit by a thunder bolt. damn you catholic school. damn you!)- your god is not my God.

yes, im very angry. read into it all you like, but i just hate people who are so fucking intolerant. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. you cant step on or discriminate against people who are different than you, weaker than you, or foreign to you. i also find that great hypocrisy can be found in what you say that i'd more easily forgive in someone who is not a fucking asshole, prick!

fine, keep your traditional values, your economic conservatism, your distaste for ethnic foods. BUT DO NOT FUCK UP SOMEONES LIFE by limiting their rights, perpetuating the idea that who they are is wrong and that they should be ashamed.

you know what? realize that you can't back yourself up with anything that is not laced with racist, ignorant bullshit. so fuck you one last time and forever.

some of the greatest people youll ever meet are gay. they also know about the best clubs.

i am also a champion of children, the homeless, women and dr. pepper.

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sheila and ro are the best.

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my dad offered me a copied dvd of the paris hilton sex tape.

circles.

college graduations are eh. what now? more of the same. just coasting.
middle school graduations are too frivolous.
but high school grad is the best. tears. drama. originality through shirts and ties. the deluded notion that 'best friends forever' doesnt really mean 'until you get a boyfriend'- too good.

its fucked up how virtually impossible it is to escape the label youre given at a young age. gold cords will always be gold cords. class clowns will always be class clowns. quiet and shy people will always disappear for a couple of months only to be spotted at the mall with bigger boobs and newfound confidence. wait, wha?

funerals suck. too much for me. awkward silence that gives way to a tentative hug. ahhh. its not about the person in the coffin (theres a reason). we are crying for the people who are still alive, right? YES. remember that.

beginnings and endings. my life right now.

one more time. so as an adult, you cant ask her best friend if she likes you? that sucks.

wow. i blinked and here i am.

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"you can use visa at coffee bean? i thought you can only use credit cards at starbucks because they sell, like, cds and stuff."