2009

There’s much to admire about Barack Obama. He’s got a certain swagger. The way he leans in to give people a hug after a handshake. His ease and confidence amidst worry and heartache. His humility that is guided by a clear awareness of what needs to be accomplished. A steadfast trust in his past that has readied him for a volatile future.

But what I admire about him the most is what I admire about all who serve in a public position...what I admire about those who choose a life of scrutiny. I admire Barack Obama and other truly great leaders who can live lives of transparency. Who can say: “These mistakes make me human. They reveal that I can empathize with the common man. That it’s okay to have messed up if I learned something.”

I don’t pretend that I’m either intelligent or savvy enough to ever run for a political office, but I often think of my ability to confront my own past-- a record that I shroud in convenient forgetfulness and delicate omission. How would I handle a history that is forcibly brought to light?

I try to be candid about so many things but remain guarded about others. I’d like to think that I keep certain things secret because I’m a gentleman or anti-gossip. But there’s so much that I’m actually embarrassed about. Wrong decisions. Moments of weakness. Carelessness. Vulnerability.

2008 proved that shame stifles life. I am not ready nor do I believe that I have to put it all out there, but for my own sake I need to face the decisions I’ve made that still affect me today. Let go of the fear. Accept just how much is out of my control. Discipline my ego.

I need to understand that if I’m ashamed of the person I used to be, I can never really be the man I hope to become.