A Game of Hearts

I sashay through 'relationships' with a veneer of humility and trepidation but carry my pride like a pair of aces up my sleeve. There's a lot of money to be made on perfecting a 'poker face' but I've found the 'poker heart' far more valuable. I make up the rules and expect others to participate without any directives. Although there have been sore losers along the way, I try not to be smug when they inevitably decide to fold- instead remaining patient that the perfect player will come along. But lately I'm beginning to wonder if there's some other bigger ongoing challenge that I haven't even recognized. One in which the prize is less tangible and glossy than I had imagined but equally rewarding. In trying to monopolize happiness, have I missed out on the fact that there can be multiple winners? Even scarier, have I become the arrogant little boy that nobody wants to play with anymore? I'm still on a roll, but as I get older I'm finding the victories increasingly dubious. It's like taking the jackpot yet feeling numb or ambivalent. The same kind of satisfaction as winning a game of solitaire.