i find my last blog entry to be vomit-inducing. i think i meant that im still too young and stupid to be an adult. or maybe that im still far from being the kind of person i want to be. or maybe too many things are happening and i dont want to let go yet. or perhaps i am bisexual.

now, im in some dankass internet cafe in bohol, PI. i love my family but i guess you cant really travel with people for a long time and not get fucking annnnnnoyed.

i miss my friends. my apt is undergoing a renaissance just like my life. i think this country is making me more shallow and i love it for that. and i love a girl who couldnt be less interested.

Peter Pan

i still hold my breath in tunnels, believe fortune cookies, wish on shooting stars, pray every single night, inquire about the meaning of my dreams, pick up pennies, will for the phone to ring, imagine holding your hand, practice my signature, secretly hope someone will find me attractive and talented enough to be a model/singer, praise disneyland, talk to puppies.

i still nod and smile even though i dont agree with what youre saying, hate you but want you to like me, think about what i shouldve said in a situation that took place ten years ago, cant admit i made a mistake by liking her too much for too long, feel guilty after masturbating, hold "making out" very important, drink to get drunk to get numb to do stupid shit, wish i were still in school, judge people based on their looks, want to be rich, equate wealth with happiness, am afraid to be a father.

i dont want a job because im not brave enough to do what i want.
....

give me back the feeling of being in in the middle of the serengeti, hyenas in the background, rain pattering on my tent, a masai warrior with bow and arrow guarding the site, sticking just my penis out to pee cuz im scared of hyenas, the masai warrior, rain and absolute darkness.
....

come back lauryn hill. please.
....

philippines for a month, richie's ipod, my favorite cousins, travel experience, bigger balls. lets see how this goes.